Memories

When I was  young, a 21/22 year old (1992), at the end of my summer inter-railing through Europe, I happenend upon a chapel in Italy. I remember wanting to go inside and feeling a sense of belonging, so inside I went. I was a bit dubious about leaving my rucksack with tent and all belongings at the front of the chapel, but it seemed wrong to bring it into the main area (I've no idea what it's called) with me. I sat at one of the front rows and I prayed. For many things, but mainly for a better life and to be a better person, and forgiveness for the wrongs I'd done. I'd made many mistakes and sometimes hadn't the courage to stand up for what I wanted, or what I believed to be true, so I prayed. I cried. The priest came close to me and saw the tears on my face. I felt embarrased, but relieved that there was a language barrier, so I didn't have to pour out my thoughts to him (at the same time feeling envy for the confessional boxes). I felt lighter, free'er and happy that my belongings were still there at the entrance to the chapel. I forgave myself. Life is for living and learning. I sometimes forget, but remembering always brings that 21/22 year old girl back to me and the realisation that I am enough and everything is ok. We do the best we can at that particular time and place, and that's ok. If only I had the knowledge then that I do now. What I could say to make it better. That's the beauty of life and living.

Random Thoughts

My head is spinning with thoughts. Thoughts of finishing the curtains for the patio door, putting 2 new buttons on Sophie's shirt, addressing all the thoughts that seem to fill my mind.... I sit and close my eyes. The sound of the aquarium that really needs a good cleaning, the hum of the washing machine and dishwasher promising newly cleaned goods for the morning, Calum testing out some new bikes that were for his birthday back in August, Sophie making it through her homework (due for tomorrow) working on my laptop, Euan with his funny everyday notions, firing on my bum with his Nerfgun as I cleaned the downstairs toilet. This is life captured today. Delight at purchasing red, felt ricrac for my December daily album, feeling a sense of achievement that this is the third year of documenting our month of December and feeling like an athlete for going for a run at 7:40am this morning when I could have stayed in bed. Small accomplishments that leave me feeling I am capable of taking on the world. Today was a good day, a very good day.